The first holiday without them

The calendar does not care that they are gone. Their birthday is still their birthday. Thanksgiving is still the fourth Thursday. The date of the phone call comes back around every single year. If you are looking at a day on the calendar with dread, you are not weak. You are anticipating something real, and you can walk into it with a plan instead of just bracing.

Waves come, and they come back

Grief is not a staircase you climb once. It is weather. Month eleven can be harder than month two. A song in the grocery store can undo a good week. Lamentations 3 sits in the rubble and then says His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. New every morning means today gets its own supply. You do not have to carry next December today.

Make a plan for the hard day

Decide three things before the day arrives. Who you will be with, or who you will call. One thing you will do to honor them, out loud, on purpose. A verse you will carry in your pocket. Psalm 23:4 works. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Notice the word walk. Through. Not park.

Let people in

Galatians 6:2 says bear one another's burdens. That verse needs two people to work. Somebody has to be willing to be carried. If you cannot say it to a face yet, say it where others can pray with you, only what you choose to share, only when you choose to share it. Community.

The day the calendar is pointing at

Revelation 21:4 says He will wipe away every tear, and death shall be no more. There is a date coming that is not on your calendar, and on that day the empty chair gets filled. Until then, take the hard day one morning at a time. Find words for grief.