Bible Verses About Anger and What Ephesians Actually Say About Losing Your Temper

Anger doesn't feel complicated when you're in it. It's what happens afterwards — the replaying, the regret, the apology you owe someone — that makes it worth sitting with.

Anger is inherited before it's chosen

Mickey Mitchell has watched anger move through three generations of his own family; his grandfather, his father, himself.

"You're a product of your parents," he says, "so that you can look at the good things and be happy for those. But the biggest thing is to look at the negative things that you have inherited in order for you to work on those."

That's not an excuse. It's the starting point. You don't get to skip the work because you were handed the tendency.

"Don't let the sun go down on your anger"

"Notice the warning about not letting the sun go down while you're still angry." — Ephesians 4:26-27

Mickey doesn't read this as a magic switch.

"I hadn't gotten to a place in my life that I can just totally control my anger," he says. "The only thing today that I do a better job of is controlling my tongue."

What he takes from the verse is narrower and harder: don't carry unresolved anger at someone you love into sleep. Go to them. Resolve what you can, even imperfectly, before the day ends.

Holy anger has a target, yours doesn't always

Jesus flipped tables in the temple. He also said turn the other cheek. Mickey's read: everything Jesus did was on purpose, anger with a target and a reason, not a reaction.

"What God has called us to do in holy anger [is] that whatever we do, we do on purpose."

The practical version: wait 48 hours before you speak into a conflict, and you'll speak into it the way Christ would have you to.

"As far as it depends on you"

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peacefully with all... never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God." — Romans 12:18-19

This is the verse for the anger you can't resolve with a phone call — the business deal that went bad, the person who won't take your apology. Mickey's own example: he texted an apology to someone he'd had conflict with, not expecting anything back. He didn't get anything back.

"But the moment I pushed send, my prayers were okay."

Peace with someone doesn't always require peace *from* them.

One honest sentence: "I lose my temper with my kids"

A listener named John from Atlanta called in:

"I've been dealing with frustration from my kids. Sometimes when they misbehave, I lose my temper. And I don't mean to do that. How can I help, be a better dad, and keep my peace?"*

Mickey's answer wasn't a technique. It was ownership: go to your child, age four or forty, and name the specific moment. Not "I'm sorry about the other day," but "the other day when I lost my temper and talked to you in a way no father should, I was wrong." Every unnamed mistake, he says, is a weight a child carries without knowing why. Naming it and owning it is how the weight comes off.

If this is you

You don't have to have your anger figured out to start. Mickey doesn't either, and he's 64. Write down your own sentence — what's actually going on — and join at The LifeLine Tool Watch Mickey and Blake talk through this in full on The LifeLine Radio Show → BIBLE VERSES ABOUT ANGER | GRACE FOR THE SHORT FUSE ---

Full conversation transcript

Mickey: Hello, guys. Welcome to The Lifeline Show. This is Mickey Mitchell. Blake: And I'm Blake Mitchell. And we're so excited to have you here with us today. Today, we're going to be talking about anger. But before we do that, we would love for you to go to thelifelinetool.com and download our new Bible study and prayer app. It's completely free, and we know you're going to love it. Blake: What's going on? Have you been, you know, where's your life with anger right now? Mickey: It's a pretty common thing in my life right now. And since I knew today we were going to be talking about anger, I kind of have it on the forefront of my mind. And whenever I look at my own life, and I look at my dad, and I look at my grandfather, then I have realized that I have been given a gene of anger, of a temper, or a mean streak. And so I think that that is something that, me coming from a farm background, then, you know, we raised horses that were quarter horses, and then you raise saddle horses. And so it's the same way with us in that we are a product of our parents. And I think that is so important for us, everyone, whether they're 64 or 6, that as you grow older, to realize that you're a product of your parents so that you can look at the good things and be happy for those. But the biggest thing is to look at the negative things that you have inherited in order for you to work on those. And so that's what I work on, and I don't have it figured out yet. Blake: No doubt, no doubt. Mickey: You said no doubt, and you're my son. Blake: I was going to say. Well, I experienced the same thing. Mickey: Is that the reason you took martial arts? Blake: Well, this whole conversation reminds me of those insurance commercials. I can't remember what they are, but I believe they're insurance commercials where they talk about how we can't save you from becoming your parents. Right. I mean, it's so true. You know, my generation gets older. I talk with my friends all the time, and it's crazy how much we see our parents in us the more we go. And growing up, you don't see it in yourself. But, you know, the more you get into the real world, you get into real life, having to deal with real life issues, it gives you a lot of understanding for your parents because you'll handle things the same way you saw them handle it. Mickey: Yeah, I think that is exactly the truth. I think that you nailed it whenever you talked about being younger and not seeing it, and then as you get older, you see it, and whenever you're younger, you you hadn't developed a lot of things, you hadn't been contaminated, so to speak, and the older you get, the more contaminated you become with the world, then these tendencies start to come full, and full blossom, so the most important thing is to have mentors in your life, you can pull out these things, so you can work on it. I think the sad part about it is when people grow up and they don't see these negative traits, so they never work on it, and that's what you get people that are in traffic wanting to kill you, or maybe some in prison that has just never been told about these things, know, Blake: Absolutely. Mickey: And so, for me, that reminds me of joke, it's not a joke, but there's a guy like Ron White that tells his story that is so funny, it's true, and he was arrested, and whenever we got before the court, the judge knew him, and he said, “Ron, didn't you hear them say that you had the right to remain silent”, and Ron says, “yes sir, your honor, I heard that, I just didn't have the ability.” Blake: Dealing with anger, dealing with anger, that's exactly how it goes, but what's funny is you said something the other day, and you said, it's really hard whenever you leave here talking anger this whole time, to get cut off in traffic, be angry, after you focus on it, think it's such a beautiful testament to spend time on the Word, and spend time diligently on what you need work on, if you've already thought about it, whenever that situation arises, you have a higher likelihood of the way you be proud of it. Mickey: Yeah, whatever. So about anger and how I struggle with it this day. It reminds me of a verse in the Bible that talks about not letting the sun go down on anger. And so just as I, for fun, let's pull it up on the lifeline app. Let's see exactly what it says and see where it comes from. So Ephesians 4.26-27 says notice the warning about not letting the sun go down while you're still angry. And you know, I, as I said earlier, I don't have that figured out yet. But as I get older, what I see in my earlier years, I would get angry and I would vent and I would say things that I regret. And now as I get older, a lot of times I'm able to not say these negative things, but it still bothers me inside. So I hadn't gotten to a place in my life that I can just totally control my anger. The only thing today that I do a better job of is controlling my tongue. The scripture that says don't let the sun go down on your anger, I think that's really wise. I think the Bible is telling us. But what I take from that is more of that if I had an issue with you or someone that I just truly love that in my life, friend or heaven forbid, my wife, that if I don't resolve that before I don't to sleep, I wake up at the next morning, I'm madder than when I went to sleep. And so whether I have to go to their house, or whether I have to stay up late, or whatever I need to do, I need to go to them and resolve that. And make sure that I have soft forgiveness if I have it, or at least somehow come to a resolution where both you can go to bed and rest in your mind. But the problem that I have a lot of times is I don't have that luxury to go to some people that I am angry at, and I'm able to go to sleep at night and wake up next morning, madder than I was when I went to sleep. And so I think that that is a scripture that we all need to listen to, to make sure that our loved ones are united and we don't allow our division to come within the circle of our loved ones. Mickey: So truly that’s why I don't take anger to bed to go to sleep with that on my mind because i dont want the harm that it causes me. But how do you get rid of that? Blake: Well, I think time, you know, time makes anything grow, and I think especially with anger, whether it's going to bed, like the verse says, or whether it's just thinking on it, if you focus on one thing, so one thing I think is important is that it doesn't say you need to forgive your anger, or you need to seek forgiveness, but you need to not be angry, and so I think sometimes different people cope with it different ways, and when you're with somebody that, you you don't have, as said, luxury of going to see them right then, you maybe that's not the answer for that, but maybe it's just getting the Word and spending time with Father God and finding a place where you're not angry, but one thing I will say your credit is being your son and growing up, been times where I've been very frustrated very with you, and be honest, it's probably not your fault, but like clockwork, I can pretty much set my phone down, not text you anything, and you'll be there in the next couple minutes, and it's one thing I always love, as a father, I never have a doubt of if you love me or if care, because if we have any kind of problem, you're to be there. Blake: You said that a struggle you always had, and I'm, you as a young guy that's expecting a child here soon, I'd to ask my father, when did you notice your biggest change in that? Like the father would bring more patience or more ability to deal with anger? Mickey: The moment that my daughter was born, a whole new perspective happened, and then I wanted to learn how to be a good father, definitely having kids is one of the things that changed, then too, I think that seeing my dad, I didn't want to be that, and not, bless his heart, I loved him with every fiber in me, but I would watch him do things, and I think that he would watch his dad do things, so was better than his dad, and then I've been better than my dad, and I don't mean to judge, but I, I saw things, and then I went to work for a guy, that I'm like, there is no way that I would be that way to employees, and so it was almost one of the best things, because this gentleman would cuss people under him, you know, and be little, and then that's when I started my own business, is I told everyone people that with me, I said, don't ever talk bad about, or don't ever talk down to these people, know, if you cuss people, then just treat them, you're fired, no questions asked. I drew a line in the sand and I told them I've got as bad a temper as any man I know. If I can control my mind, you can control yours. Blake: Whenever you spend time diligently fighting something, whether that be in your Bible study or in your prayer time, you'll see it translated into your life, it makes it a lot easier. If you know that you have a predisposition of being angry or being jealous or anything, and you sit down, and you sit in the Word, you spend time on that, whenever that situation arises, you'll able to handle the way that maybe your parents wouldn't handle it that way, but you're able to it the way you want to. Mickey: Yeah, talk about how I deal with and how I dealt with over the years. How do you deal with anger? Because you're a product of me, you know. Blake: I am. I am no doubt. You know, anger is a funny thing. And so I want to be able to give the cookie cutter answer of “Oh, I just open my Bible and sit in a quiet room and then everything’s perfect.” But the truth is, a lot of times when I'm at the gym, you get a heavy bag a little harder, you know, you deal with it, you get something out. Mickey: So, martial arts has been a big help. Blake: Absolutely. Martial arts is one of those things that I pride myself on, and take it very seriously. But I agree with you. It calms down my anger and a lot of emotional reactions I want to give to something. Because a lot of times in fighting, if you get emotional, then you're probably going to start getting your butt whooped. And so the more calm and calculated you can be, the better. And so a lot of anger, I just love pouring into martial arts. And I do spend time in Word and prayer on it very specifically. But I found that spending time just hitting the bag and getting anger out a different way sometimes can be a great start to a healthy process. You know, a lot of people, if you look biblically for an answer of anger, and my favorite person i love to look to their example is how Jesus handled things. And the only time I can think of Jesus getting angry is whenever he’s flipping things in the temple and, you know, he’s correcting a lot of wrongs that are happening in God’s house. But at the same time, this is the same man who said turn the other cheek.And so, how is it you think we need to deal with that because that's two very different things come from a perfect example. Mickey: Over the years I've listened to many sermons and Bible studies, I've been into a Bible study, there’s a guy that was tremendous, and they talk about holy anger, you know. And of course Jesus did everything on purpose, you know. And so you want to believe that he turned over tables on purpose. That most likely knowing it was Jesus, that he knew that he needed to do that. But I'll probably be around a bunch of egotistical guys that he had to show that. I think that what God has called us to do in holy anger, that whatever we do, we do on purpose, you know? That just like in speaking, you want to speak to who the crowd you’re at. You don't want to speak about farming if you're with a group of people in the city. Blake: That reminds me of a funny story, I believe you’re the one who told it, that somebody was going up to speak and he just decided to preach a word on divorce and how much God, please tell that, I don't remember that I will. Mickey: My friend had been asked to speak and he was fresh out of college seminary and so he went to this family life marriage conference to speak and he gets up and he speaks and he has everybody to cry. And so when he gets off the podium, his boss comes up to and asks, "What are you doing? Everybody out there is divorced and that's their next marriage, second marriage. You just spoke on divorce and how wrong it was. And he goes, everyone out there is divorced and he but anyway, he vowed that he wouldn't speak again and then a year or two later, they talked him into it and he was a profound speaker. But anyway, whenever you feel angry toward a loved one or toward an employee or whomever, if you wait 48 hours before you speak on it, then you will speak on it in a way that Christ will have you to. And so, I’m like Ron White sometimes, I just couldn't wait that long. Blake: Well, how do you think that ties to not letting the sun set? Mickey: Well, I think that, and this is just for me, but I think that that is talking to you about the people that you are closest to in life. That unity is love, unity is God's way. If we can express love and be unified, Satan has no foothold. And so anger comes from pride, comes from fear, comes from jealousy, comes from all sin out there, can raise anger up. Envy, you know. And so, if you can go to your loved one before you go to bed at night because when I’m angry, I don’t sleep as well. Depending on what level it is or who it’s with, I don’t sleep at all. And so I think that God is telling us, listen, I already know that. So swallow your pride, get with the person and resolve it before the sun goes down. Now for the person in traffic or for the person who lives somewhere and they have done a business deal that they lied and you’re angry at them, I don't know that you have that luxury of calling them and then two, there’s so many people that I can name, a lot of them right now, that you could be angry with and you’re beating your head against the wall thinking you're going to resolve anything with them. So when we discuss the scripture "don't let the sun go down on your anger” it reminds me of another scripture that talks about to be at peace with everybody as far as it is with you. And so, if you don't mind, would you look that up on our app? Blake: Yeah, it looks like that comes from Romans 12:18-19, it says if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peacefully with all, beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Mickey: So scripture interpret scripture, so whenever I think of holy anger, Jesus did things on purpose, so we should do things on purpose, and then conflict is just part of life, so when you have conflict, if there's a loved one, then whether you have made things wrong, or they've made things wrong, or both of you have had battle, before the sun goes down, go to them, and make sure that nothing divides you. But then, it goes even further, that when I have people in business, or someone's done it wrong, or whatever happens, there are a lot of people out there, that you can go to them, and they're not going to offer you grace, they're not going to forgive you, it’s just the that they are. And so for me, and just to be quite honest with you, the other day, I was praying, and someone comes to mind that we had a little conflict, and so I text them, and told them, listen, I apologize for that. I didn't say this, but I can justify feeling the way that I did, but at the end of the day, I've this person all the time. So I sent an apology. I did not expect him to respond or to accept it because I know the person. And they didn't. But the moment I pushed send, my prayers were okay. So I think that's the perfect example of attempting to be at peace with everybody, as far as is with me. So as far as me and him are concerned, I'm good. If I saw him on the street, I wouldn't think bad of him. Really didn't before then. But we just never had resolved anything. It's just one of those things. So I think what God is calling us to do, is to use our anger on purpose. And if ego comes out, jealousy comes out, whatever, deal with it on yourself. If you cross the line, give him a hundred dollars, or apologize, own it. Not just say I’m sorry, but I’m sorry for the way that I handled that. My tongue is the most difficult thing for me to control in my life, and I said some things and I’m sorry. You know what I’m saying, owning it, owning your apologies. That's the biggest thing to me is when somebody apologizes, own it. And then, however they respond, I'm not. I love it when they say, hey, forgive you. Let's move on to the next step of my relationship. But a lot of times you don't have that. But at least as it is with you, you can go to sleep at night and not wake up thinking about it. So that's the way that I'm thinking about anger and the way that God teaches us to have it in holy anger. Blake: To sum this up, it feels like you're just putting this as being intentional with whatever you do. Whenever you have anger, don't react out of spite on your first reaction, but your time in the Word, your time in prayer will lead you to act in a way that is you can be intentional with everything you do. Mickey: Amen. Blake: I did want to take a minute to talk about an exciting new feature on the app. So we have a feature now where callers, listeners, anybody can call in and leave us a message with what you're with right now. And we'd be happy to take your calls. It's a guided process that you can leave us a message. And we'll go through each and every one of them. And some of them are excited to discuss it here on the show. And I actually believe that Aaron, we have one, do we not? Blake: This one comes from John from Atlanta, Georgia. “He says, hey guys, I've been dealing with frustration from my kids. Sometimes when they misbehave, I lose my temper. And I don't mean to do that. How can I help, be a better dad, and keep my peace?” What would you tell John? Mickey: John is seeking he can be a better father, so praise God. I just hope he hadn’t gone overboard but it’s for us to go to our child whether they’re four or forty, and sit them down and say listen, the other day whenever you split the milkshake, in my truck, while I’m trying to tell you to sit upright, and i lost my temper and i talked to you in a way that no father should talk to your on, and i made you feel bad. You dont just say, listen im sorry about the other day. You own it. And so whenever you own it, whenever you are a parent, any parent, then you are putting weights on your children's shoulders, each time you make a mistake. And they're walking around with this being abused by some of them. All of these kids, how do they stay out of prison? They get there going to prison because they've got these massive weights that they’re trying to live with. Whenever a parent goes to a child and says listen, when you're growing up, here’s the mistakes that i made. Hopefully a parent will go and say listen, the other day I made a mistake and you own them as they go along, you're taking weights off their shoulders. So then that child can live with no weights on their shoulders to make darn sure as you're growing or you're teaching and raising your children, that not if but when you make mistakes, you own those mistakes and you close the gap by taking the weights off and pointing them to christ or give them an example. I'll give you an example. Whenever you were six, and we were in traffic, and traffic was going back and forth and back and forth, were waiting to cross the road and i had our sandwiches and our drinks in our hand and i started to cross the road, I didn't hold your hand, I wasn't even thinking, when you're of dumb dad, and you take off running across the road. If I hadn't been so strong on you earlier, you'd probably have gone on and run and died. Whenever I looked up and saw a car right there, I said, “Blake!”, you turned around and looked at me and I said come here. And you took off running and the car went right by with the brakes locked up, right by. Whenever you raise your children to be disciplined and that they can't get by with everything, then you save their life. And that's the literal story that you save their life. So that's what I would tell John is that he needs to control his tongue and how to raise your children with no weights on their shoulders and point them to Christ. With him saying that he’s a good dad, those are two things I would tell him. Blake: John, thank you so much for sharing that with us. Everybody, you would, to thelifeline.com. Download the app while you're there. If you feel that, please submit either a voicemail or a message to us that we can discuss here on show. Mickey: But what's the next episode about big guy? Blake: Next time we're talking about stress. Mickey: Oh my gosh, that stresses me. Blake: Well, would you like to pray us out? Mickey: I’d love to. So Lord, today we do pray for our listeners to hear. That everybody that hears this prayer, Lord, that they would feel the power in the presence of you. And Father, that we would not ever try to pray for something to treat someone's ears. And Lord, to pour our hearts out to you. And Lord, that everybody that ever hears this right now, close their eyes. And they would focus on you, completely focus on you, get all the noise out of their head, and focus on you and say, God, we love you. God, we are grateful for the life that you've given us. We thank you. Dear God, tell us that you’ll give us wisdom beyond our years we just have asked. I pray for everyone that's listening, Lord, that we pray for wisdom, I pray for wisdom. To become a friend of Jesus, not just know of him, but know him. And Father, we pray right now that your power will go out and you will be seen across the world. Bless this app, bless this tool. Thank you for the team that put together. Thanks for the listeners. Lord, we pray that every person that calls in, Lord, that they would be blessed by hearing because of your power and your strength. Lord, we pray these things today in total confidence that our Father God is listening, that the Holy Spirit that lives in us today through the gift that you've given, we've given in Acts, only because of Jesus Christ died on the cross and shed his blood, and experiences hell on our behalf, and that's the plan for the beginning. So we pray these things with that in mind. Amen.